I lingered at the mailbox, not yet willing to let go of the envelope.

“Just drop it in the slot. Put an end to this misery.” I thought. And yet having it in my possession made me feel, if only superficially, as if it still belonged to me.

I’m talking about our 2015 IRS form 1040 personal tax payment.

This is always a cranky time at our house. There is anger at how much we owe. There is bitterness at the wasteful way the government will spend it. (I always thought it would be nice if I could just directly pay hard-working people who get refunds. This would be much more satisfying). There is recriminations for not saving more money. For me there is anxiety. I worry that I have overlooked some critical piece of paper that the accountant needs,and doesn’t know he needs, because it falls to me to gather it all together. 

But I’m not here to talk about tax system. Mainly because I don’t need the IRS, NSA, et al, flagging me as an outside agitator.  I’m here to discuss the amount of paperwork/ grunt work  involved in living a life today. Continue reading…     Share           

“So, you want we should tell you about Jesus?”

That was my first line and I was struggling to get the accent. Being from the South, I was sounding more like a TV evangelist:

               “JEEEEE-us”

I was supposed to be an elderly Jewish woman living in a retirement community in Boca Raton. Continue reading…     Share           

Mother of the Bride, Week 2

Just to set the scene: This blog posting was started at 2:30 am on what I foresee as one of many, many restless nights in the coming months. I tell you this to help explain the ranting tone.

As I wrote in my posting before Thanksgiving, our daughter is engaged. We couldn’t be happier. Any anxiety I had about meeting Robert’s parents were quickly set aside once we  met. They are delightful, funny, smart people. To their credit, they think the world of Christina and are excited to have her as part of their family. As we exchanged funny and embarrassing stories about Christina and Robert, I could sense that they were both ready for each set of parents to be “on their way”. To which I say, “Welcome to in-laws!”

Then the wedding venue appointments began. Where to begin?

If I say to a hotel/restaurant/ banquet facility, “I am having a dinner for 75 people.” Great, they say, dinner will be X amount of dollars and  we have an opening for next Saturday night.

If I say, “I am having a WEDDING RECEPTION for 75 people.”  Congratulations, they say, the reception will be (Y x 10 ) amount of dollars and we have nothing available for 18 months.

I know I am oversimplifying , but there is some truth in this. It is the same principle that applies to anything involving boating. Add the word “marine” to a bolt and the price just went from $2 to $75.

Which came first – the need for the $1700 Bridal Suite/ staging area or the venue’s realization that there’s money to be made here? Absolutely everything in the event has been monetized. Venues charge for providing meals to the outside vendors we use ( DJ, Florist, etc), at $75 each! I hope they are getting filet mignon and lobster tails! One contract required us to hire a “Day of” Wedding Planner to co-ordinate the proper “flow” of events. This requirement was NOT included in their price. And FYI, that runs about $1500 for the day.

Christina and Robert  are already struggling with how to balance making the day a lovely reflection of themselves as a couple without getting sucked into the consumer gerbil wheel of the wedding machine.

At each venue, the wedding planner used some version of the statements, making the day perfect and setting the tone for your future. Wow, talk about pressure! As someone who had a very small wedding at my parent’s house and has been happily married for 37 years, this is propaganda at the highest level.

There is a scene in “Father of the Bride” with Steve Martin and Franck (Martin Short), the wedding planner, where Steve is told of the price of the cake. In a tone of disbelief, Steve says, “A cake, Franck, is flour and water.” This sums it up perfectly.

When you begin to feel that your entire event, indeed,  your future is hinging on picking the perfect hors d’oeuvres, something has gone terribly wrong. A wedding, specifically a reception, is simply a party to share your love for each other with your love for your family and friends. “Come, drink, eat, dance, celebrate.”  

That simple mantra appears to have no place in the industry that is weddings.

OUR DAUGHTER IS ENGAGED!

I racked my brain trying to come up with some clever, thoughtful, touching way to start this post, but it’s the ALL CAPS thought that keeps running around in my head.

Both of us, still sweating from a run, cell phone on speaker, were jubilant when Christina gave us the news. The call ended and things got quite, each retreating into our own thoughts. Mine was “How did we get here?” Paul shook his head and said. ‘I remember when I was just a goof ball kid. Now I’m the Father of the Bride?”

Paul and I are not completely taken by surprise. There has been talk, and we know how they feel about each other. It is obvious how happy Robert makes Christina and how much he loves her. They make a very simpatico couple.

But it is another one of those moments in life that still manages to take you by surprise. People fall in love and get married all the time. It’s a completely normal, everyday part of life. And then  it is your daughter and your life.

My thoughts since then? All over the place.

Every time I try to write this, I slap down a couple of sentences and think, “I need to go do a load of laundry.” Brainless, routine things help calm me down and make me feel as if I am being useful.

… Hang on, I hear the washing machine beeping…….

While many of you have already been through this, I feel I am late to the party planning. I have put together many large – and I would be so bold as to say – successful parties, but this is next level planning. Also, Christina and I have never poured over wedding magazines or fantasized about the perfect dress or the ideal color scheme, so we don’t even have a starting point. I googled wedding planning and got…60 million results.

….And anxiety setting in….let me go clean out the kitchen junk drawer……

Next week we head to New York City for Thanksgiving. In addition to our usual eating, drinking, and shopping, we will try to squeeze in some venue viewing and wedding planning. But most importantly, we will be meeting Robert’s parents. For the first time. At Thanksgiving Dinner.

…. My chest is feeling tight….time to clean out that fridge……with a glass of wine….