Be Foolish

Birthdays for me are a great celebration. An excuse to do all the things I feel guilty about without the guilt. OK, just less guilty. More cake! More cocktails! More indulging! In my family, a birthday turns into an entire week  of excess. We love a good time.

It was more than a  bit of a shock to realize this was my 59th year of  indulging.

Today, the  cold water of being 59 years old  hit me square in the face. Fifty-nine and all that implies. The fear of aging, potential squandered (do I still have potential? Did I have potential or am I romanticizing that as well?), fear of aging. There seems to be a part of me, perhaps in all of us, that doesn’t accept aging as a reality.

Ah, denial. I love the denial alternate universe. It’s so easy to live there, where no reality is allowed. I pour a drink while I settle in for a visit. But while using denial as a coping device, I have let time slip away. All the things I meant to do, all the things I imagined I would do/see/accomplish. I had plenty of time. Now I don’t.

We can (and will)  have a long conversation about life expectancy, “age is just a number”, etc. But the truth is that the number of  vibrant, healthy years ahead of me are fewer than, say at  40. One broken hip, career catastrophe, or family crisis can make for unexpected forks in the road. Every era of our lives brings different challenges, which, in turn, causes different anxieties. The question I am asking myself:

Where do I want my next year and beyond to take me?

In these modern times, we women of a certain age don’t take  getting older discreetly and calmly. No, we start a blog! The word wide web shall know of our #despair #journey #hashtag.

We are having a moment, ladies. Articles addressing “our age group” abound. Interviews with older models. Movies focusing on late in life romances. Even the Netflix series, “Grace and Frankie” focuses on older women as  vibrant, intelligent, resilient, and yes, sexy human beings. It has been a mistake to ignore us. I have always known that my generation and the one previous, would not go gently into that good night. There was too much struggle to get acknowledged in the first place. We won’t be ignored!

Because I am sure that in a world where everyone thinks everyone should know (and care) what they are doing, who they are doing it with, and how they are feeling about what they are doing, you will interested in my trip into 60. The riveting critique of my soy latte. Commentary on the necessary evil that is shape-wear. The elusive joy of a good night’s sleep. Hopefully, I will be just as mesmerizing as Karl Ove Knausgaard’s multi-volume My Struggle.

SIDEBAR: I question that all those people really are reading those thousands of pages of incredible detail. Downloading to your Kindle or hauling a volume to Starbucks does not equal reading. Saying, “Oh yes, that’s on my Kindle/ nightstand.”, does not give you gravitas.

Truth is I have been looking toward my 60th birthday for some years. It is a landmark number  and I want to mark it well. For the next 12 months I will be taking a fresh look at every aspect of my life. Trying to get a handle on what life To Sixty and Beyond(See how I did that?) really means for me and maybe you as well.

If Sixty is the new middle age – and despite the statistical rarity of that, the The Today Show recently informed me it is – then I’ve got things to do!

Starting this blog has already been an exciting, brain expanding adventure. The technical end has gone from frustrating  (What is a widget?) to exhilarating ( Look! I made a widget work!) to frustrating (*%#* the widget stopped working). The actual writing has caused me much anxiety. Who do I think I am, putting this out there? I don’t really have anything  interesting to say, do I? What if no one (Gasp!) follows me? (The social media version of “I’m not popular”) AM I making a fool of myself?(Short answer: Yes) Those are the thoughts that wake me up at night. Well, so be it.  These are the fears that have kept me frozen.  This is the time to break out because if not now, when? Sixty more years of “I wish I had”? BE FOOLISH: my  new motto.

I plan on ringing in 60 on a high note. How? Unsure. And for someone who LOVES a plan, that is already a bold step!

I want to read about your To 60 and Beyond adventures, anxieties, observations .  So please share your comments for all. I am sure there will be lots of over sharing on my part in the months to come, but check out the “So….Who am I?” page to get a better sense of the woman behind the blog.

NEXT TIME: Oh the places we’ll go! (Dr Seuss)