June 17, 2015

OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!  DR. SEUSS

What to expect for this coming of age year?  As I said in my last post, I have been looking toward 60 for a few years, and not with all excited anticipation. I have often rolled my eyes at the super positive cheery attitudes with accompanying clichés.

“It only gets better!”

“All the pressure from your younger days to be perfect is gone!”

“60 is the new 40!”

“Age is only a number!”

Blah, Blah, Blah.

There are several types of people who make these statements: The woman with a frozen, toothy insurance salesman smile, but an  expression in her eyes that says,”Yeah, I know it’s crap, but I’ve got my own issues.” An individual who just popped her daily Lexapro. And finally, someone who IS NOT anywhere near 60 or beyond.You, younger person, have no validity and I reject your condescension.

Things I am noticing about this time in my life:

IT ONLY GETS BETTER:

MEMORY:  Where did short-term memory go?  I spend a lot of time writing reminders. If I need more than 2 things at the grocery store, without a list, I am doomed. More than once I’ve turned around in the store parking lot or backed right out of my driveway without ever getting out of the car.  You’re going to make a second trip anyway, just go back! The reverse is also true:I can’t remember if I have it, I buy it again. This results in a possible hoarding situation. We once had six jars of sweet relish in our pantry.

Paul and I have gone so far as to announce “Don’t forget we need toilet paper!” on our way out the door. And…..well, you know.This is why we purchase certain items in bulk.

I had a crazy old aunt that would blurt things out that had no relevance to the conversation. She was still crazy, but I now understand this behavior. I will never remember what I wanted to say if I wait for you to stop talking.

I have gotten up in the middle of the night to put something in my purse for the morning.  Why does that happen? In my extensive research, by which I mean Google, it seems that our brains clean out the junk and essentially defragment our hard drive while we sleep. That unfinished task pops up like one of those  ALERT!  windows on your computer.

One of my essential reminder items: my  keys. My keys can be  on top of the dry cleaning or in the fridge, as needed. But first, I might need to find those keys.

AUTO PILOT: Lately this has resulted in hair product on my face or sunscreen in my hair. Driving to the ATM when I really needed to go to the office supply store. I’d like to tell you what I was thinking, but…… I covered that memory issue, didn’t I?

PHYSICAL: Do I really need to catalog these?

PERFECTION PRESSURE IS OFF AS WE AGE:

The pressure is still there, we just don’t have the energy to keep up anymore.

My observations concerning this chestnut:

1) It takes me twice as long to do half as much.  I marvel now at the things I could accomplish IN AN HOUR, in the time before. YET, I still create my schedule based on that Tasmanian Devil pace.

2) AND I have twice as much to do: Can anyone finish all the personal health & hygiene items necessary to live today? Sunscreen, vitamins, yoga, weight training, cardio, kegeling, hydration. Don’t forget moisturizer, deep hair conditioners, flossing, exfoliation,and facial lotions and potions.

All of that preparation and I haven’t done anything MEANINGFUL. I keep waiting for the time in my life that will afford me the luxury of….time.

60 IS THE NEW 40:

– This one makes me mentally scream while reaching for a fresh cocktail. 60 is 60 is 60!

AGE IS ONLY A NUMBER:

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Having said all that, I do not want to be a bitter, brittle broad . Refusing to learn new things, not open to fresh ideas and different ways of thinking.  I do know that what I did and thought and felt at 20, 30, etc. does not apply to me at near 60. Honestly, many of the beliefs and ideas I held to so strongly back in the day, now make me cringe.

I hope to spend this year re-thinking everything  I knew about myself and my future.

SOME PLANS FOR THIS YEAR:

– Personal Goals – what do I want to do that I’ve never done before? This will NOT include anything crazy like the Iditarod or base jumping. Just to be clear, I am a fraidy cat, not particularly athletic, and not too coordinated.

– Emotional Maturity – I’ve got some baggage I need to leave – for good. Therapy?

– Physical Health – Surprise!

– Faith – I have questions and I want meaningful answers that are not platitudes and clichés.

– Cosmetic Surgery—Hey why not?

I have already planned the big finale to this year: a trip to Paris. Paul and I have been racking up the rewards points in anticipation. A lot can happen in a year, but Paul and I hope to be sipping champagne on my 60th birthday  at every memorable spot in the city: the Trocadero, along the Champs-Elysees,  the Rue de Rivoli, and at the Hotel de Crillon. At this moment I am fantasizing about the Mont Blanc pastry at Angelina’s. (go ahead Google that, you’ll understand).

NEXT TIME: “I feel bad about my neck” (Nora Ephron)  or

Adventures in Cosmetic Surgery, part 1.