SNAP OUT OF IT! (Moonstruck) I STILL feel bad about my neck

Adventures in Cosmetic Surgery, act three

When last we heard from our fearless heroine, she was an emotional basket case. It seemed  that perhaps this cosmetic surgery wasn’t such a good idea…..

In my previous post, I had fled Dr. A’s office in a near panic.

Paul and I spent the next few hours at a bar that was, literally, next door. A bar next to a Cosmetic Surgeon’s Office? Genius. Dr. A is probably the owner. It’s a win-win.

The upshot of the conversation: Paul felt I would regret not having my eyes “done”, and would eventually want to get them “done”. Quote: “It’s like remodeling a house. While you’ve got everything torn up, you may as well.”  Who can argue with such logic?

Paul used a crude but accurate adjective to express his opinion of Dr. A. I agreed he was an arrogant ass (My opinion), but arrogance maybe a personality trait of cosmetic surgeons. It must take ego and confidence to literally re-build, re-shape, and re-imagine body parts on human beings. And it wasn’t like I was going to be sending Dr. A any Christmas cards. Did I need to like my surgeon?

As I considered this, it seemed every woman around us was tightly pulled with those hollowed out eyelids. Did I want to look like some cloned version of  what appeared to be the same post fifty-year old beauty ideal? Before today I had been so sure.

I still felt bad about my neck. I certainly  wasn’t  ready to make peace with how it looked. Was I going to let this bad experience  derail my plan? No, no I was not. With consultations already booked, I decided to keep going.  On to Dr. B.

The consult with Dr. B was two separate appointments. First I meet with the patient co-ordinator. If this went well, then another consultation with the doctor. Paul would not be joining me for this pre-consult consult.

Dr. B’s office is a beautiful three-story building overlooking the river in my city. Yes,the entire building. I sat in yet another carefully well-lit and overstuffed waiting room. The forms include all the usual suspects, health questions, emergency contacts, agreeing to how a malpractice claim would be settled, but also an interesting psychological questionnaire. I naturally chose the answers I thought were correct. I didn’t want to be labeled a crazy person with unrealistic expectations! There was ONE question that got my attention:

DO YOU HOLD A GRUDGE?

I said yes. 1) Was anyone reading these responses? (It was four pages!). and 2) You mess me up and, yes, I am holding a grudge.

Dr. B’s patient co-ordinator, Claire, was equally as beautiful a Kristina, but I wouldn’t say she was that perfectly cloned version of beauty that I found in Kristina. I won’t guess her age. As joked in the previous blog post, that number cannot be accurately assessed in a cosmetic surgeons office. We hit it off immediately. The before and after photos, all from patients my age and up, looked amazing. The people (men and women) still looked like themselves, not so much younger as better. I got excited again.

When Paul and I met with Dr. B it was in his beautiful and serene office overlooking the water. (Not some torture chamber version of a dentist chair) He spoke about his goal of making people look natural, not younger. He acted as if he had all of the time in the world. Having me stand in front of a beautifully framed gilt mirror, he demonstrated not only the process that was occurring to my face, but how the surgery would improve everything. He assured me I was a great candidate for surgery. No surprise there — I do believe every person who is still breathing is considered a great candidate to cosmetic surgeons.

Still unsure about having work on my eyelids, Dr. B gently took excess skin on my eyelid, pulled it together and …Holy Miracles … my eyelid was no longer resting on my eyelashes! (The professional term is called hooding.) Not one negative statement from Dr. B. No mention of my grudge holding issue.

I did have one concern: the type of anesthesia to be used. There are two options, one of which is the Michael Jackson favorite, propofol, or local anesthesia with IV sedation.The idea that I might be aware of anything that was happening really frightened me. That was a possibility with the IV sedation. To be clear, I was not concerned that I would be feeling any pain. What I did not want was to be aware in any way. Dr. B agreed that propofol would be used.

I’m sure you can tell by the way I am gushing, what happened next. I marched right into Claire’s office and booked the entire procedure, eyes, too.

You’re thinking, “But you broke the rule of three. What about Dr. C?”

Yep, I cancelled the Dr. C consult. My Gut Reactor was that strong. Besides Dr. C’s webpage claimed his specialty was breasts. My policy on breasts: As long as there are good bras out there, I’m fine.

So the countdown begins. For my eye portion of my do-over, I needed something called the Schirmer’s Test (for dry eye). Because I am having anesthesia, I need a complete physical, EKG, blood work. Just one catch. I don’t have a primary doctor and I haven’t had a physical in 30 years.

Next: CRAZY TRAIN (Ozzy Osbourne)   From Pre-op to Post-op

Adventures in Cosmetic Surgery, Finale