B.O.B Syndrome (Bitter Old Broad) 

**Full DIsclosure: In my web search for some type of attention grabbing media for this blog post, I came across a discussion forum started in 2006 on the website Topix entitled “Bitter Old Broad” Syndrome, proving I am not as imaginative as I thought! However there was no use of my clever B.O.B. acronym in the headline. I will continue with the delusion that I was the first.**

B.O.B. Syndrome is common in the To 60 and Beyond woman. Life is changing and possibilities are dwindling. It’s true, we are past our shelf life for many things: being a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, becoming  a prima ballerina, anchoring the NBC nightly news. This realization can make you bitter. I have suffered bouts of this condition, we all have. I want things to just stop changing. I want the world to adjust to me, not the other way around. Stop asking me to be flexible. I don’t want to be sad or frightened or worried ever again, I have done enough of that. So we find ways to control the uncontrollable. A common saying from someone in the throes of B.O.B.S: “Been there, done that.” As in, “I’m done feeling, caring or doing.” It’s a type of emotional death so that there is no chance you will get hurt or fail or be judged.

Warning Signs and Symptoms of B.O.B Syndrome:

-A RIGID MINDSET. This is THE symptom from which all other symptoms of B.O.B.S. stem.

It can be as small as that unchangeable schedule to which you arbitrarily cling. On Tuesdays you do laundry, and if the Queen herself invited you to tea you would decline, because YOU DO LAUNDRY ON TUESDAYS! Yet, you are angry that you missed tea with the Queen, but that is her fault for not considering your schedule, right? But it can be bigger. Rejection new ideas and new ways of doing things because, “We’ve never done it that way before”, with the implication that it must be wrong. You shut down the young girl on the committee who has THAT CRAZY idea, and then wonder why there is no new generation coming along. They are coming along, but are starting their own groups and leaving the mean old ladies to themselves.

-JUDGMENTAL. It’s hard to believe that tattoos,  piercings, purple hair or lifestyle choices could even be an issue. I mean a lot of us came from the “I gotta be me” generation, but boy, we sure shut that down, didn’t we?(Only we get to be “me”) the bigger problem is this is a closed-minded, morally superior,  even bigoted attitude. You’re not like me, so you don’t belong, you can’t be trusted, and you are a threat to my way of life.

-MEAN- SPIRITED. The definition of mean-spirited is inconsiderate and unsympathetic. Also hard-hearted: Incapable of being moved to pity or tenderness, unfeeling. Imagine that each time you feel or act in such away, another piece of your heart turns to stone.  

Why ladies, Why?!?! We are heading into the last phase of our lives. I want to find every bit of the goodie that is left and gobble it up. Change is happening.Change is always happening. Holding tight to old ideas and even refusing to participate in the evolving world will only cause you misery.Don’t succumb to a state of  joylessness. There is good news: you can CAN reverse the disease if you are full on BOB and you can STOP the onset of the disease before it takes over your soul.  

In my unscientific and strictly personal assessment, I have observed a few women showing little to  no signs of the syndrome. Here’s what I see makes them different:

They care about something outside themselves. Have a cause you support? This works wonders for appreciating your life situation and restoring your empathy for others.

They have friends. Make a point to have and keep friends. There is something about giggling and being silly with other women that is life affirming.

They have something that brings them personal joy. Something that  is just for them. Love to paint but, let’s be honest, your paintings suck? This isn’t school. Paint!

They associate with people outside of their age group. This will help you see with fresh eyes. Others DO live differently from you and this will keep you young at heart and, again, grow your empathy.

They accept life’s changes and re adjust to “new normals” rather than lamenting what has passed.

They have a strong belief system.To paraphrase RIck Warren (The Purpose Driven Life), “You were made for eternity” It was his observation that we do not accept death as the end on a subconscious level because it is not the end. People with a belief that there is more than this time on earth are comforted to know in their hearts that life will continue for them in a new and different way.

And finally, if your core group of contacts are BOBS – get out. Or at least limit your exposure.You can still love them and be a part of their lives, but this is a highly contagious syndrome and it feeds on your joy like a cancer. Before you know it, you are tsk tsking in the back of the church because the usher isn’t wearing a tie!

So let’s go get a piercing and dye our hair lime green, who’s with me?

NEXT TIME: “I’m ready for my Close-up”  Gloria Swanson, (Nora Desmond, Sunset Boulevard, 1950) What to love about the top  five To 60 and Beyond female characters in fiction and the media.