Mother of the Bride, Week 2

Just to set the scene: This blog posting was started at 2:30 am on what I foresee as one of many, many restless nights in the coming months. I tell you this to help explain the ranting tone.

As I wrote in my posting before Thanksgiving, our daughter is engaged. We couldn’t be happier. Any anxiety I had about meeting Robert’s parents were quickly set aside once we  met. They are delightful, funny, smart people. To their credit, they think the world of Christina and are excited to have her as part of their family. As we exchanged funny and embarrassing stories about Christina and Robert, I could sense that they were both ready for each set of parents to be “on their way”. To which I say, “Welcome to in-laws!”

Then the wedding venue appointments began. Where to begin?

If I say to a hotel/restaurant/ banquet facility, “I am having a dinner for 75 people.” Great, they say, dinner will be X amount of dollars and  we have an opening for next Saturday night.

If I say, “I am having a WEDDING RECEPTION for 75 people.”  Congratulations, they say, the reception will be (Y x 10 ) amount of dollars and we have nothing available for 18 months.

I know I am oversimplifying , but there is some truth in this. It is the same principle that applies to anything involving boating. Add the word “marine” to a bolt and the price just went from $2 to $75.

Which came first – the need for the $1700 Bridal Suite/ staging area or the venue’s realization that there’s money to be made here? Absolutely everything in the event has been monetized. Venues charge for providing meals to the outside vendors we use ( DJ, Florist, etc), at $75 each! I hope they are getting filet mignon and lobster tails! One contract required us to hire a “Day of” Wedding Planner to co-ordinate the proper “flow” of events. This requirement was NOT included in their price. And FYI, that runs about $1500 for the day.

Christina and Robert  are already struggling with how to balance making the day a lovely reflection of themselves as a couple without getting sucked into the consumer gerbil wheel of the wedding machine.

At each venue, the wedding planner used some version of the statements, making the day perfect and setting the tone for your future. Wow, talk about pressure! As someone who had a very small wedding at my parent’s house and has been happily married for 37 years, this is propaganda at the highest level.

There is a scene in “Father of the Bride” with Steve Martin and Franck (Martin Short), the wedding planner, where Steve is told of the price of the cake. In a tone of disbelief, Steve says, “A cake, Franck, is flour and water.” This sums it up perfectly.

When you begin to feel that your entire event, indeed,  your future is hinging on picking the perfect hors d’oeuvres, something has gone terribly wrong. A wedding, specifically a reception, is simply a party to share your love for each other with your love for your family and friends. “Come, drink, eat, dance, celebrate.”  

That simple mantra appears to have no place in the industry that is weddings.