ME: (wanting a new dress to wear for my 60th Birthday in Paris)

THOUGHTS: I’ll need to lose 10 pounds. I’ll wait for the spring/ summer clothes. What color? Style? Should I  go sexy, sophisticated, edgy? What about shoes, jewelry, purse?  It’s PARIS, for goodness sake! What if the airline looses my luggage? I’ll never find anything in France to fit this American Body. Who wants to be judged by those size zero French saleswomen (who are still eating bread) ? Good Lord, they wouldn’t even let Oprah into Hermes!

In the course of one minute, I went from wanting a new dress to not being allowed into Hermes – complicated.

PAUL: I think I want a new suit for Paris. Gray.

We drive to the mall. He walks into his favorite men’s store. The salesman pulls out a gray suit. Paul tries it on – gets the pants measured for the hem. Oh and picks out a shirt and tie.

(Paul did mentioned to the salesman that he had lost weight this last year.

“Will you be losing anymore weight before the trip?”

“Oh, yes. About three more pounds.” I swear, he actually said that. I considered beating him over the head with a hanger myself.)

Ten minutes later, walking out of the shop, I turn to him, “What the hell just happened?”

Why isn’t it that easy for me?

I know, for men it’s a choice between jackets and pants and …. jackets and pants. Maybe one year it’s narrower lapels or cuffs. There are some off the wall variations, but most men seem to be able to quickly dismiss these outliers for what they are – ridiculous. Right now there is the amazingly super tight (almost shrunken) suits that only look good on Daniel Craig. How does James Bond kick all those bad guy’s butts and never pop a seam?

It takes such little thought and time for men to pull it together.

Why am I struggling?  

I find that I develop a form of multiple personality disorder when I shop for clothes. Maybe today I want to be that hippie, flower dressed free spirit. Tomorrow,  the polo shirt, sweater around the neck country club type. Better yet, the full on big city sophisticate – black from head to toe with just the right scarf to bring it all together.

Yet, I read about women who have a style uniform and the new term: capsule dressing and I find the idea appealing. This is where you keep to a strict clothes regimen. Caroline Rector of Unfancy is the queen of the capsule dressing  movement. She has roughly 37 pieces in her wardrobe, including shoes. By comparison, I have 42 pairs of shoes ALONE.

I when I was younger, I  worked for a grocery chain and wore a polyester, double-knit uniform that I know is still intact at the landfill. Using the word uniform has a very negative effect on me.

My questions:

Does it really make your time dressing and shopping easier? 

How do you  resist the impulse of the bright shiny thing in the department store (at 70% off)?

When I have attached so much emotional angst into my clothes, how do I set myself free?

Is  this my fault or is the fashion industry to blame?

Let’s start with the fashion industry: Their raison d’etre is predicated on telling us what we should and shouldn’t be wearing,why we need the latest thing and convincing us that it is important.  It is vital for their business model that we care. It’s a 1.2 Trillion dollar global industry  (Source: U.S. Congress Joint Economic Committee, Feb.15, 2015)  I keep drinking the kool aid.

I wish I could lay all the blame solely at fashion’s feet. I have struggled with my weight all my life, causing an ingrained negative body image. That has translated into a personal belief that looking good = worthiness. Also, growing up, my mother never liked to shop and was (is) frugal. Add a layer of past childhood rebellion on top of everything and you get…..42 pairs of shoes and 12 pairs of black pants. You get complicated.

What to do? looking at my closet causes me great anxiety. Picking 37 pieces (with shoes) causes me even more anxiety.

So here is my plan: get rid of 20%, and do it in 30 days. That’s 8.4 pairs of shoes.  If I purchase something new, something has to go. (Fortunately, there was no mention of purses).

Ridding myself of the psychological attachment  to  clothes is going to be more difficult. I don’t have an answer. It will take more mindfulness and less impulse. Dumping the emotional is a lot more complicated than dumping the clothes.